Being Mary Jane, the poster child for the new dating norm among young professionals

By: Ethan Brisby

Recently I began watching, “Being Mary Jane,” a show that airs on BET about a sexy, single, and successful woman. The role is played by long-time leading African American actress Gabrielle Union. She is the standard operating version of the upper echelon of I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T women. Mary has all the bells and whistles of high society, but the one thing she lacks can be found in some of the most basic households around the world; true love.

With the new changes young professionals are experiencing in this new era of relationships, it’s hard to see a situation like Mary Jane’s end with a functional committed relationship. Is the new norm of relationships fly by night sex with an easy out? Does the new norm not include commitment and perseverance? How has the Women’s Empowerment movement impacted the overall dynamic of the family?

These are questions of this era we need to be discussing in the ongoing pursuit of excellence among an emerging generation.

For years and years, only “bad girls” did the things Mary Jane does. Ladies just did not agree to sex inside shower stalls at the gym. Even more so, women that did do these types of things were referred to as whores. It seems within the new norm, the word ‘whore’ is less of an insult and more of a synonym for sexually-liberated. What gives here? These women still want children and families, but these are not our grandmothers.

Women like Mary Jane and Scandal’s Olivia Pope are extremely driven. They are at the top of their professional games. However, they are still charged with the duty of carrying and caring for children. As active and successful as today’s woman is becoming, I believe the challenge of the new norm is to find a healthy balance between traditional woman roles and lenient rules about modern feminism.  I am pulling for women to figure it out. I know what a well-balanced woman can bring to the table.

Likewise, as African American males continue to be played out on the big screen, in statistics, and on the ten o’clock news as lost, criminal, and thuggin’ it is vital that black women not only be strong for themselves, but also for their black men counterparts. Now, we are not giving men a pass. The overarching challenge here is for African American men and woman to once again pridefully play for the same team and shoot at the same baskets.

It may require some adjusted goals (by both parties) in the short term and shared vision, but it’s possible. It may require men and women both to abandon the fairy tales inside their mind in favor of a new reality more in tune with how things really are. Moreover, successful women want to date successful men. Even though these women know their options are dwindling each time they climb another rung on the high society ladder, it is important they have fair requirements for the men they desire to date. It is also important men present themselves worthy of the investment necessary to build a future family and future together with one of these modern women. 

Is it ever about character over current bank account balance? Does the new norm make it ok for a woman to be the family bread winner? Can a successful woman date a “less successful man,” and make him better. What are the rules of engagement for the new norm?

It seems like anything goes now, and respect is out the window. When people start talking like this, they are viewed as old fashion and too conservative. Maybe all this new norm stuff will blow over. Maybe it’s just a fad. I think not. What I believe is that the dynamics of family, dating, love, and sex are shifting before our eyes during this generation. We will see more casualties, which is why I recommend anyone with a heart to proceed with caution. 

Today’s game is heartless and vein. The new norm is filled with humans living with suppressed emotions and a fierce attachment to fleeting moments of passion. It’s not all gloom and doom; somewhere there are pockets of classy men and women prepared to preserve the family fabric. I happen to know many women that despite their external presentations of power are all soft, mushy, and ready to march to the tune of a strong man leading them to the highest levels of life guided by love and endurance.

I am not sure how Mary Jane’s television life will end, but I do know her fans and followers will face real decisions over the next decade about relationships. The modern woman has mastered the popular look, and social media persona, but what they are finding is what’s hot on television will only work for so long in real life. My hope is that the new norm rules have not shifted too much, and those willing to embrace the challenges of a committed relationship are rewarded handsomely. 

Follow Ethan on Social Media @ethanbrisby for information about education, small business, real estate ownership, and all things related to being a solid young professional.