The Art of Getting Unstuck

By Ethan Brisby

March 4, 2018

The year of 2017 was good to me on so many levels. From a business standpoint, my company became its own brokerage firm. Meaning I no longer have to share profits from commissions I earn for representing buyers and sellers. From a family standpoint, my son and I continued to grow our relationship; we spent an entire week together in Chicago exploring the city and bonding. Contrarily, 2017 left me stuck, unable to proceed. I could not pass go, and I did not collect $200 as the calendar turned to 2018.

With this in mind, I reached a point midway through February that I knew I needed to get unstuck. So I consciously began that process, and here is how I did it:

Be around people who understand/share your vision

Due to a series of unfavorable events, I found myself on an extremely thin shoestring budget, but I knew I needed to be around some folks who get me. With this in mind, I found a plane ticket to my second home, Atlanta for right around $100. My first stop upon my arrival was to Morehouse College. I walked there, about 1.5 miles from my Airbnb and spent the entire day allowing the mystique to go through me as it did while I was in undergrad from 2008-2010. Serendipitously, I saw some of my classmates who are changing the world as we are charged with doing after leaving Morehouse. Osmosis helped me to gain some momentum from these encounters. Each step I took on campus brought me closer to the mental freedom I needed to get unstuck.

Like minded people are a savior for the envelope pusher, leader, and pioneer. We live in pioneering times, but not everyone around you is a pioneer. Some people are content and have no desire to pursue more life. This is fine, but for those of us who prefer to adventure into the realm of conquers it is imperative that we are around other generals and do-gooders. This is where our vibe, our vision, our iron is sharpened. In an era of independent entrepreneurs never forsake the fellowship of people who are for you, and also for what you are for.

Get out of your current environment

I live in a city of 100,000 in an area equidistant from Houston, Dallas, and Austin, Texas known as the Brazos Valley. Despite its relatively small size and population, this area is politically strong due to its ties to Texas A&M University. With this also comes a certain level of conservatism. Conservative meaning people who like things to stay the same. The only problem with this is that the way things have been for a long time is that white men historically are the shot callers; I am an American black male. Similarly, I have faced hardships with defining my allies, and also expanding my market share. Likewise, in the black community I have as many loyal followers as I do people who have no vested interested in my success. The environment in general is not one conducive to progressive minds and actions. I get this, and I understand it at an intimate level. However, being stuck is not for me, so I got in motion.

After a few days in Atlanta, I board a bus bound for Savannah, Georgia, a city I’d never visited, but one of my Morehouse brothers, a fellow entrepreneur lives in Savannah. He gets me. He’s driven like me. He’s faced conservative backlash in his private practice. We trust one another. Once I arrived in Savannah, much of the weight and residue from being stuck was leaving me. So now I was challenged to replace that void with more life, with free thoughts, solution-based approaches to my adversity, and an open mind. My brother and his wife made sure I was treated like royalty throughout the city. From brunch to dinner to sightseeing. When we were not taking in this must-see historical city, my brother and I were brainstorming ways for me to put some money back in my pocket.

He’s narrowly focused and no nonsense. For the first time in a long time, I was chastised. My shortcomings and lack of focus which resulted from a feeling of dejection were discussed and he challenged like no one does. I took it well, because it was all love, all hope, and all about righting a ship that had gotten stuck somewhere along the journey. He and I realize together we stand and divided we fall. In that same breath, my success is his success. I got out of my environment and into an environment that helped me to feel like myself again. I was unstuck.

Think about the possibilities

Many times when we are stuck, we feel helpless. We don’t see past the current circumstance we find ourselves living within. We hardly see options. This can lead to a feeling of hopelessness or as I mentioned earlier, dejection. Another tactic to get yourself unstuck is to allow more than what you think can happen to happen. You must be inclusive here; think about the possibilities. As I mentioned earlier, I live in a place that had left me feeling very small. No so much in stature, because I am 5’4” but in my thinking. I was hurt emotionally by what I was having to overcome and quite frankly had become fearful that I had no options. This just wasn’t the case. Being out of that environment helped me to see more possibilities. It helped me to realized that my options still were indeed endless.

It is a human nature to want to control your own destiny. This is not unnatural, however when we start thinking we have to do everything on our own, this leads to fear, and fear is crippling. Once crippled, you are content with doing nothing. You are ok with any mindless activity to keep you from attacking your problem or obstacle. As I traveled through Atlanta, then later sauntered through the downtown squares of Savannah, something clicked; something greater than me began to speak to me. I came alive in knowing that my possibilities are truly numerous despite what my depleted conscious was telling me.

Trace your steps back to the last time you were not stuck

During my time in college, I was about the most focused I’ve been in my life. During the past three months, I’ve been as unfocused as a toddler during church. Therefore, Atlanta was my first stop when I made the decision to do something about how I’d been feeling. While I was on campus during this time, I stopped into Sale Hall Chapel, a place where I used to pray each week as I matriculated. I walked the so called mean streets of West Side Atlanta, just like I did in 2008 and 2009. I listened to the advice of my academic adviser, just like I did when I was pushing my way toward graduating with Latin Honors, Cum Laude. I had to go back and relive those moments that defined my forbearance and helped shape my perspective as it is now.

One of my business associates used to always say “Success leaves clues.” Well I used to believe those clues were always left behind by someone else. I’ve learned now that sometimes the clues are from your own successes. Rediscover your greatness, your zeal, your knack for being the change your desire to see by tracing your steps back to a time before you ever found yourself stuck.

Take the inward journey

At the end of the day, we are all spiritual creatures. There is a force larger than us at work in our life and those people around us lives’ as well. The inward journey is a strength-based journey. Consider, I once spent 10 days at a Vipassana Retreat. Vipassana is the study of things as they really are. I spent 10 days without speaking, reading, writing, or any kind of outside contact. I spent the bulk of my day meditating. Many people who entered the camp, did not finish it. They left. They left because they could not deal with only hearing the voice inside their heads. During a “Sit” as it is called in Vipassana, all you have is your thoughts. Think about that for a moment. What if all you could listen to is what your conscious and subconscious mind is telling you?

Anytime I am having a hard time being myself, I always, at some point, seek to solve the problem from the inside out. I am writing this piece with a sense of relief. For me, this is the first time I have been able to dominate a sheet of blank paper in some time. What I mean by this is that I’d been having a hard time expressing my thoughts. If you’ve made it this far in the essay, you see and hear my thoughts are clear again. My understanding of self is immaculate once more. I am self-actualizing. It was not easy, but this is a result of the inward journey. The inward journey does not have to be in a secluded or isolated area like Vipassana. You can go inward by acknowledging the presence of God’s spirit each moment as I did while exploring Savannah. You can appreciate the breeze as it sifts through your hair or across your face. You can marvel at the beauty that is life.

Tomorrow is my last day here in Savannah. I am heading back to Atlanta for one more night, before I ultimately head back to my home where I will have a renewed spirit and be ready to face what’s ahead. I am not longer stuck. I am renewed once more. I am ready to take the first steps on this newest chapter of my life. Get your head out of the sand, it’s your turn to collect $200 and start again.